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Lady and Suicide

Just had to Share…

Its nearly 2:30 in the morning and I’m sure most of you won’t read this till tomorrow. Actually I could have also waited to post it tomorrow, but something inside of me just wanted to put it out there.

My normal daily routine involves shutting my clinic between 10-10:30pm. Today was no different, I was just about to call it a day, when my phone rang.
It was a lady. In a very hurried and panicked voice she asked if she could get an appointment immediately.
Since I was in the clinic, I asked her to come over.

In less than 2min. a middle-aged lady was standing at my door.
Disheveled, panicky, with her hair undone and a big patch of redness on the right side of her face.

As she sat down, she hurriedly explained that her car was parked outside and she just tried her luck at dialing my number.

I asked her what was the hurry.. She could have jolly well taken an appointment for next morning.

To which she replied, “I was about to commit suicide.. Had I not got through your number.. I would have killed myself in less than 10min.”

I come through many such cases in my life, but very few had the conviction she had in her eyes.

She went to tell me, that the big red patch on her face was the result of a frying pan thrown onto her by her mother-in-law few minutes ago.
To add insult to injury, her husband was standing watching all this drama and just asking her to keep quiet…
When she threatened to go to the Police, he dared her with consequences. In a fit of anger, he held her hand, shouted some explicit insults at full volume and threw her outside the flat.. locking the door from behind.

The irony was this wasn’t the first time this had happened. She had gone through this humiliation at least 6 times in the last 1 year itself. And countless times in the last 6years of marriage.
Each and every time she had to spend the night outside the home and finally beg to be taken back inside.
The First time she spent the whole night pleading and crying at the door.
The next time she was in her night gown and had to ask the neighbours for shelter.
Once her mother-in-law hit her in the abdomen while she was menstruating. She spent the whole night in the car, crying, battling pain and bleeding.
And one time she was barefoot, so had to walk 2kms to a friends house for help.
She tried to contain her tears and give a brave smile.. while saying that after the first two times she had made it an habit to keep the car keys and mobile phone glued to her all the time. They where her life line.

Before today she had thought of suicide a million times. She had spoken about it to her parents, who had asked her to keep patience. She had spoken to her friends, who had asked her to have a baby. She had even spoken to her gym trainer, who had asked her to fight back. Everyone was busy showing her a “false hope”, and nobody wanted to understand or listen to her.

What was different Today?
Her mind had given up.
She was just sitting and crying in her car when she noticed my clinic.
She didn’t know me or had searched online.. For the last time, She just wanted to meet a neutral person who could answer in Yes or No to one question – “was she actually such a bad person, who deserved all this?”
If the answer was Yes she would die feeling that she deserved it.
If the answer was No she would die peacefully.

As we started to speak, she just wanted a Yes or No from me. From that point We spoke for nearly 2 hours. Finally a friend of her arrived and she took off towards the police station.
She promised me, she would get her life back.

As I walked towards my car… My mind wandered
– Tonight one woman would have killed herself because so many people she spoke too never listened.
– Tonight one life would have been wasted, because “you have to adjust and be good” is the greatest lie ever told to us.
– Tonight one woman would have died because another woman and her son are mentally handicapped by ego and anger.
– Tonight one woman would have taken her life, because “Separation” is a false social fear that blinds you from understanding the importance of self-respect, health and self-love.

To YOU who has taken the efforts to read all the way down here… This post isn’t about the like or share… But I request you – For one moment just sit down and reflect.. There are so many ways in which you can help others and help yourself. !!

Life is Precious..!!

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Psychiatrist and Motivational Writer/Speaker)
eksoch@gmail.com

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The Sister-in-Law from Hell!!

Madhu and Arun (names changed) have a had to work hard for their relationship.
The initial 3 years where extremely difficult. And the reason was Arun’s Sister.
Today they live a happy and peaceful life.

They both were attending a lecture on relationships that I gave.
In the after lecture interaction, they both wanted an answer to – how come a simple fun-loving girl had turned into a anger-filled, relationship destroying, devilish persona!

The simplified answer was – Need for Attention.

The complexities of How did this happen? let see –

1. The mind keeps playing tricks with you. One of them is to equate love with personalized attention.

2. When the brother got married, she felt he would now give her less attention, which automatically the mind equated to less love. This made her uncomfortable. She felt restless.

3. The mind devised a plan – creating a “great” relationship and bond with the brothers wife. Relationship building requires a lot of adjustments and understanding. The restlessness in her mind was not ready for them, so the new member in the family was supposed to do them.

4. Since difference in personalities meant that the bond couldn’t be established at the pace she wanted, it made her more restless.

5. This gave rise attention seeking – from being extremely friendly with the brother to extreme symapthy seeking for small insignificant things.

6. The mind started detach from real expectations and started creating imaginary expectations. The bond between her, the family and the brother  was given extreme importance, beyond the boundaries of reality.

7. Her mind played another trick at this stage, and subconsciously labeled the brothers wife as evil or “the enemy”.

8. Now she looked for an ally against this enemy. She found one in her mother, who was living within her own ego castle.

9. The brother or father, even when they could see the behaviour change never objected to it. This gave her more belief that she was right.

10. The “brother wife” objected to her behavior, so it gave her a greater belief that she was the enemy!

11. Anger was mixed with expectations and restlessness. This lead to development of the devilsh trait of manipulation. The manipulations shown –

a. masking – having different behavior patterns for the “Brother wife”, in front of the brother and behind him.
b. Verbal abuse – by constant criticism and fault finding.
c. lack of empathy and humanity for the brother wife.
d. planning and plotting – highlighting her mistakes beyond normal, forcing her into situations where she was seen bad.
e. complainting and criticising her family members.
f. poisoning the mind of the brother, father and mother to demand “dowry” from her family.
g. poisoning the mind of all relatives and friends against her.

12. Her mother not only agreed to her point of view, but also encouraged her to overthink in this direction. Slowly their mind became so clouded that they constantly pressed for divorce.

How did Madhu and Arun relationship manage to survive this? – well that makes for another beautiful post will surely come soon!!

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written by
Dr.Hemant Mittal (Motivational Writer, Social Influencer and Psychiatrist)
contact – eksoch@gmail.com

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Avoiding Responsibility

Fear can make you do many negative things. One of the common negative behavior patterns is to avoid responsibility.

How does fear affect your mind?

  1. You avoid responsibility and action because of fear of criticism, disapproval, or rejection from people near you.
  2. You won’t do any activity until or unless you are certain it will be appreciated.
  3. Sharing your thoughts with someone is extremely difficult.
  4. You are always over-thinking on the possible negative outcomes of the situation.
  5. Feel that no one can help you and need to battle on your own.
  6. Loose confidence and feel inept, unappealing, or inferior.
  7. Start avoiding or making excuses for taking actions because the mind is full of multiple negative outcomes.

Solution?

1. Understand and accept your mind is full of fear.
2. Once you accept fear, its easier to battle it. If you keep denying and finding reasons for it, you’ll never able to fight it.
3. Once accepted, start slowly slowly conditioning your mind to battle fear. – start by tackling the smaller situations and then move towards the bigger one. 4. You need to constantly remind yourself about the fear.
5. Positive affirmations for the self are excellent ways to bring change over a long period of time.
6. If you are constantly failing Seek proper guidance from a good counselor or psychiatrist.

written by –

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Motivational writer, Counselor and Psychiatrist)
eksoch@gmail.com
www.mindmantra.in

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