The Shy Husband or Mommy’s Boy?

A micro-segment of the society which is taken for granted and insulted constantly is “the shy husband or Mommy’s Boy”.
This category includes men who haven’t been able to become independent from their mothers and in severe cases end up sacrificing their own relationship for “mothers sake”.
So why is a psychiatrist like me writing about this. Because this behaviour pattern is a sign of incomplete personality due to lack of proper knowledge, counselling or guidance.
On a first look its impossible to diagnose and categorise such a person. Lets look at the finer psychological details of such a person and why its an “incomplete personality”.
Situation No.1 – Their wife is wrongly being accused of something by mother, they will rely on one or more of the following behaviour patterns –
– remain passive and quiet
– avoiding eye contact with wife
– try to induce guilt in her or ask her to comply as per mother.
– avoid accepting the right and getting angry
– speak quietly
– avoiding behaviour like drinking, watching a movie or going to sleep rather than discussing and finding solutions to the same.
Situation No.2 – They are supposed to take a decision against their mother’s will and in favour of their wife. They will experience 3 or more of the following-
– fast heart beat
– dry mouth
– shaking hands or body
– sweating
– blushing
– feeling faint or dizzy
– excessive anger
– fear of losing control
– chest pain
Situation No.3 – Whenever they have to mediate between their mother and wife, they would choose their mothers side without getting into the depth of a situation. Because they aren’t equipped to fight their own mind which will produce –
– negative thoughts about self
– excessive fear on how their mother will negatively judge them
– How they will not be the “perfect son” in front of society.
– They might blame themself for not being strong enough to calm and control their wife’s behaviour.
– thinking ‘I don’t fit in’ or ‘I’m unattractive’ and wife would have been better married to someone else.
The reason the above 3 situations arise, is that such personalities are incomplete. They haven’t been taught the following basic techniques –
1. How to analyse and fight embarrassment. ?
2. How to win over a low self-esteem?
3. Reality of relationships and boundaries that need to be drawn?
4. Self worth?
5. Meaning of Marriage and Spouse?
For Further Query on this topic, whatsapp or email me. All conversations are deleted immediately upon culmination.
– Dr.Hemant(Life Problems Solving coach)
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